Okay, get this. You're a king, you're super sick, and the doctors are useless. What do you do? Leeches? Weird potions? Nah. You get a 100-year-old mummified saint and bring it into your bed. Yes, really. This was literally the go-to medical advice for Spanish royalty in the 1600s.
Meet King Charles II of Spain, a guy so unlucky, so famously... "unfortunate-looking," they called him "El Hechizado" – The Bewitched. 🧙♂️ And his solution to pretty much everything? Cuddle a corpse. I know, right?!
This wasn't even a new idea! Charles's family, the Habsburgs, were basically the pioneers of this weird wellness trend. It all started with his great-uncle, Don Carlos, who took a nasty fall. When science failed, they brought in the mummified body of a friar named Diego de Alcalá. They plopped the mummy in bed with him, and boom! Don Carlos woke up, claiming the dead guy healed him in a dream. 🤯
So, of course, this became the new "it" thing. Got a fever? Corpse. Worried about childbirth? Two corpses! When Charles II was born, they brought TWO mummified saints to the delivery room for good luck. It was the ancient version of having a doula, I guess? A dead, leathery doula. 💀
Here's the wildest part. Charles II spent his life spooning saints' remains, hoping for a miracle. He needed to produce an heir to save the entire Spanish Habsburg dynasty. He kept the mummy of Saint Isidore under his pillow, even pulling out one of its teeth for extra good luck. Talk about an insane souvenir. 🦷
And the result of all this devotion? Absolutely nothing. Charles II remained sickly, sterile, and was the last of his line. The autopsy after his death at just 38 was... grim. It said his body "did not contain a single drop of blood" and his heart was the "size of a peppercorn." All that corpse-cuddling couldn't fix generations of royal inbreeding. Awkward.
So, what's the lesson here? Maybe, just maybe, relying on mummified friends for medical and political help isn't a great strategy. Charles II went down in history not as the king saved by saints, but as a tragic punchline. It turns out, good luck charms don't work when your family tree is a wreath. 😬
The Royals Who Shared Their Beds With Mummies - The Order of the Good Death
The Saints Whose Corpses Were Placed In The Beds Of Diseased Royalty - IFLScience
